Communication plays an extremely
important role within a marriage. The
main reason that a marriage starts to fall apart is because there is a
breakdown in the communication between the couple. Openness and honesty is vital to get your
needs and the needs of your spouse met.
By shutting your spouse out of one’s life by refusing to talk or to
listen to them, a marriage is placed on a course of almost definite
destruction.
Among other things, communication is about sharing your
thoughts and feelings with one another and listening and spending time thinking
about what was said in order to resolve any issues. A couple needs open communication in order to
be able to share their thoughts and feelings.
Bottled up emotions usually leads to resentment, arguments, and problems
when the emotions are inevitably released.
Good open communication depends on stating your issue in a
calm and respectful manner. By sharing
what is in your heart with your spouse, you can achieve a greater and deeper
intimacy. Use the words 'I think' rather
then 'I feel' in a sentence. This way
you have expressed a thought and not a feeling.
Or, when addressing a person’s behavior use the sentence “When you [fill in the issue here] it makes me
feel…”. This is a great way to get your
partner to fully understand your emotions and reactions.
When on the receiving end of the issue at hand, remember to
take the time to listen to your partner.
Merely hearing what the person is saying and listening are two different
things. To fully understand what the
other person is saying, you need to let your partner say everything he or she
has to say, and then react to them in an equally calm and respectful
manner. Remember not to reject your
spouse’s feelings by saying things like 'Don't worry, be happy' or 'You
shouldn't feel that way.' Rejecting a
feeling is rejecting the person feeling it.
The key to staying calm and
respectful after hearing your partners issue with your behavior is to not react
at the time you hear the complaint. Take
time to think about their feelings, your feelings, and how the issue has
affected you, your spouse and your marriage.
When you react first without stopping to think, you are reacting with
your feelings rather then your thoughts.
Shouting and screaming to resolve a problem will not help and they will
not make your spouse understand your feelings any better.
The most important thing is
finding a solution to resolve the problem.
Nothing is achieved by hoping the problem will just disappear or
focusing on the point that there may not be a solution to your problem. There is always a solution to every problem
but, the solution usually depends on behavior modification on both of your
parts.
