SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE INFORMATION

Information About Saving Your Marriage

For couples who find that their marriage might be going downhill, there are things that you can do in order to save your marriage even if your partner is not interested or doubtful that there is a problem.  Filing for divorce should not be taken lightly and if you think that you might be on that road, then start today to improve your marriage and your life together. 

Although all marriages are different, they all require the same things in order to maintain a healthy and happy relationship.  Couples need openness and honesty in their communication, the ability to forgive, a willingness to make time for each other, acceptance, and of course, love.  Communication is a key element to a healthy marriage.  Keeping emotions inside rather then being open and honest with your partner can lead to resentment.  It is impossible for your partner to know if there is any problem when communication does not happen.  When a spouse finds something that they do not like about the relationship, he or she should not hesitate to say it in a respectful and non-confrontational manor.

Forgiveness is another element that no marriage can live without.  Holding on to past hurts or betrayals will slowly eat away at you and your love for your spouse.  Forgiveness towards someone does not mean that you forget or that you condone the hurtful behavior, it just means that you are willing to understand that it was a mistake and you are accepting that they are sorry for what happened.  Don't let your stubbornness or desire for revenge get in the way of your marriage. 

By showing a willingness to make time for your spouse, you are showing them that you care for them.  Doing things together affirms the bond that you share and gives each other the chance to leave the responsibilities of life behind for a little while. 

The last two things that you need in every marriage are acceptance and love.  Acceptance means that you are taking your spouse for who they truly are inside.  If they are messy, you can deal with the dishes in the sink.  If they are a neat freak, you can deal with them pushing a mop around your feet.  You married your spouse for a reason and they are not going to change after the wedding day.  Acceptance also shows the love that you have for your spouse.  How can your truly love them if you do not accept them for who they are inside? 

Through years of marriage it can be hard to remember how a person should be treated because we get so used to treating people a certain way.  If you truly loved your spouse, wouldn’t you give them all of the support that they needed even if they don’t support you in the way that you need?  If you truly love your spouse, wouldn’t you talk to them respectfully even if they do not show you the same courtesy?  Stop looking for your spouse to treat you the way that you think that you deserve to be treated.  Love is about doing what is best for the person you love.  Your spouse will eventually follow your example and show their love for you in the best way they know how. 

ROMANCE CAN SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Put Romance Back into Your Relationship to Save Your Marriage

Do you feel as though your marriage is going downhill and headed for a divorce?  Do you wish there was something that you could do in order to save your marriage?  Many couples go through hard times in their marriage even though they might still be in love.  Before you get to a place that is too hard to get out of, start fixing your relationship now and put romance back into your marriage.

Through the years, things do change between a couple.  Most often romance is the first thing to go.  Things like finances or the needs of the kids can get in the way and out- weigh the needs of the parents.  But the need for love and affection does not lessen.  By ignoring these needs, the bond between the couple becomes stretched and may break.  Plus, if one person is committed to keeping the romance alive while the other puts it on the back burner, resentment can build; and resentment will, without a doubt, crush a marriage. So what are some ways that you can put a little romance back into your marriage before it is too late? 

When children are involved in a couple’s relationship, it can be hard to find time just for yourselves.  In order to keep the romance in a marriage alive, make sure to hire a babysitter or allow the kids to spend some quality time with grandma and grandpa at least once a month or even once every two months.  Sometimes just the chance to have a dinner out alone is a wonderful relationship refresher.  It is also possible to show affection to your partner on an everyday basis without being intimate or even being home. 

Write your partner a love message where they will find it during the day.  Something as simple as writing “I love you!” on a piece of paper hidden in their wallet, or drawer will boost the romance between you two and make your partner feel loved.  You can also take a walk together.  Put your responsibilities like the dishes, the lawn, and bills aside and show your partner that the most important thing at that time is to spend time with them.  A walk is a great way to leave distractions behind and focus your attention on your partner. 

Remember to take your partner’s needs into consideration.  Maybe romance is not on your to-do list at the moment.  But, it might be at the top of your partner’s list.  Be open to the suggestions of your partner.  A relationship will quickly fall into the gutter when someone cannot make time for their spouse.  We all lead busy lives, but it makes a big difference when you put your schedule aside for your spouse even if it is just to hold onto a lingering kiss. 

Plus, remember to be open and honest with your spouse about your expectations for affection, sex, and romance in your marriage.  Now is the time to start even if the course of your life is not where you expect it to be.   Telling yourself that "someday" you will have the time to be romantic will only hurt your marriage.  Sooner or later you will find out that “someday” never comes and you have wasted the time that you once had

SOLVING YOUR DISAGREEMENTS

How Solving Your Disagreements Can Save Your Marriage

As much as nobody likes them, disagreements are part of every relationship.  Many times it is the unresolved disagreements between a couple that can lead to a divorce.  While not everyone will agree all of the time, it is important in a relationship to learn how to discus your disagreements and how to solve them. 

Whenever you are involved in a disagreement, do not put off disusing it until another time.  It is vital to resolve the issue at hand right then and there before the problem gets any bigger.  Disagreements cannot always be avoided, but you can change the way you talk.  Refrain from arguing with one another.  Arguments will undoubtedly lead to breakdowns in the communication between the couple, which causes even more problems.  It is best for each of you to keep an open mind whenever talking to one another.  In order to avoid arguing and to continue with a discussion, remember these simple tips.

The first tip is to refrain from being defensive during the discussion.  Defensiveness will only cause your spouse to argue more and it may lead to more strains in your marriage.  Also, do not bring up past mistakes.  This bad habit will only turn your smallest disagreements into serious and complicated arguments.  Forgiveness is the key to a good marriage.  Learning how to forgive is like a marriage reset button.  Without forgiveness, little actions seem huge because of all of the past baggage they drudge up. 

Also, do not fall into negative patterns in the way you relate to one another.  Some of these negative patterns include emotionally and/or physically hurting your spouse.  Sometimes the only way that someone can express their hurt is to hurt back.  Rather then hurting your partner, you will, without a doubt, hurt your marriage instead.  The day will certainly come when your spouse will say "enough is enough" and your marriage will be over for good.

Disagreements can be had over many things.  But these disagreements can be avoided when certain behaviors are modified.  For instance, leave jealousy out of the relationship and recognize it when it appears.  Jealousy can lead to irrational thoughts, feelings and actions leading to arguments and defensiveness in your spouse.  Also, do not break your promises or be an undependable spouse.  Promises that are broken will pave the way for distrust in the marriage.  Saying you will do something and then actually doing it will most definitely avoid a disagreement.  Replace these unhealthy behaviors with a positive one like support. 

Showing support to your spouse tells them that you are willing to stick with them through thick and thin.  When it seems like your partner has a problem, show him that you are willing to listen and support them all the way.  After listening to their problem, if you are sure that they are wrong, do not express your thoughts right away.  Instead, show understanding of how they might be feeling about the problem.  Then help them to solve their problem by urging and encouraging them to come up with the solutions on their own.  In this way you can be a good example for your spouse so the next disagreement will contain a better understanding and respect for one another.  

IS BETRAYAL THREATHENING YOUR MARRIAGE?

Few things in this world hurt deeper than finding out that your partner or spouse has been unfaithful. Your relationship can not survive if it is based on deception. When betrayal and lies threaten your marriage, what are you supposed to do?

Any time that a spouse fulfills their needs by turning away from their partner instead of turning toward them, it’s a betrayal. It’s not just what they do; sometimes betrayal is what they don't do.  You can violate your partner by withholding affection, not communicating your feelings, or by not allowing them to get close to you as a spouse should.  But you need to work out problems in your relationship within your relationship.  You cannot fix a problem inside a relationship by turning to someone outside of it.  Before disaster happens, you need to acknowledge that there is something wrong within your relationship.  You can not change what you do not acknowledge.  If what’s happening in your marriage is not normal, admit it.

Finding out that a spouse has cheated on you is a lot to handle.  It shatters your world, and you may not know which way is up for a while.  When you have regained your mind, you will have some big decisions ahead of you.  What do you do next?  Your partner needs to realize that they have damaged the relationship.  They need to listen and understand the full gravity of their actions and how they have affected you.  They must acknowledge the damage that their behavior has caused to your self-esteem, mental state, and emotions.  It is not your fault that they have cheated on you. But remember, you do teach people how to treat you.  If you do not tell your partner how their behavior has hurt you, they are not going to know. 

If you are willing to work things out with your partner after they have had an affair, you need to set some new standards of acceptable behavior.  Your partner needs to know what those standards are.  Maybe your partner has gotten away with certain things because they know they can.  If you are allowing certain behavior to continue by making excuses for your partner and blaming yourself, you need to stop.  If you want to be treated with dignity and respect, you need to stand up and demand it.

Marriage is about being committed to one person.  No one deserves to be cheated on.  People can change, but is the partner who cheated on you able to do so?  If they are not able or willing to change, you need to look at your situation and ask yourself if you are willing to settle for this.  If you know that things will never change and you stay, can you emotionally handle the repercussions?  You should never invest more in a relationship than you can afford to lose.  Yes, it might be harder to leave than to stay, but you need to think of your emotions and ultimately do what’s best for you. 

USE COMMUNICATION TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Communication plays an extremely important role within a marriage.  The main reason that a marriage starts to fall apart is because there is a breakdown in the communication between the couple.  Openness and honesty is vital to get your needs and the needs of your spouse met.  By shutting your spouse out of one’s life by refusing to talk or to listen to them, a marriage is placed on a course of almost definite destruction. 

Among other things, communication is about sharing your thoughts and feelings with one another and listening and spending time thinking about what was said in order to resolve any issues.  A couple needs open communication in order to be able to share their thoughts and feelings.  Bottled up emotions usually leads to resentment, arguments, and problems when the emotions are inevitably released. 

Good open communication depends on stating your issue in a calm and respectful manner.  By sharing what is in your heart with your spouse, you can achieve a greater and deeper intimacy.  Use the words 'I think' rather then 'I feel' in a sentence.  This way you have expressed a thought and not a feeling.  Or, when addressing a person’s behavior use the sentence “When you [fill in the issue here] it makes me feel…”.  This is a great way to get your partner to fully understand your emotions and reactions.

When on the receiving end of the issue at hand, remember to take the time to listen to your partner.  Merely hearing what the person is saying and listening are two different things.  To fully understand what the other person is saying, you need to let your partner say everything he or she has to say, and then react to them in an equally calm and respectful manner.  Remember not to reject your spouse’s feelings by saying things like 'Don't worry, be happy' or 'You shouldn't feel that way.'  Rejecting a feeling is rejecting the person feeling it. 

The key to staying calm and respectful after hearing your partners issue with your behavior is to not react at the time you hear the complaint.  Take time to think about their feelings, your feelings, and how the issue has affected you, your spouse and your marriage.  When you react first without stopping to think, you are reacting with your feelings rather then your thoughts.  Shouting and screaming to resolve a problem will not help and they will not make your spouse understand your feelings any better. 

The most important thing is finding a solution to resolve the problem.  Nothing is achieved by hoping the problem will just disappear or focusing on the point that there may not be a solution to your problem.  There is always a solution to every problem but, the solution usually depends on behavior modification on both of your parts. 

Changing the way you communicate is definitely effective when it comes to saving your marriage.  Although it might be hard at first, it is better than resorting to divorce when the relationship turns bad.

STEPS TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

A lot of couples today are faced with a failing marriage.  They are flooded with plenty of problems that could cause them to go their separate ways.  Unfortunately, there are far too many people getting divorced everyday and it is becoming increasingly normal and accepted.  But many couples feel that although they are on the brink, divorce might be a last resort in their marriage and they are looking for ways to save their marriage.   

The first step you should take to avoid a divorce is to speak openly and honestly about the reasons why you feel like your marriage might be headed in that direction.  Tell your partner how you feel about your marriage, your life together as a married couple, and your possible future together.  Address the issues that you feel are ruining your marriage.

Communication is a huge step to take in order to save your marriage.  By being open with one another you are able to air out the problems and understand what is wrong in the marriage.  You are also giving your partner a chance to listen and really understand your point of view.  If you are sincere in communicating with your spouse, you are showing them that you are willing to try to work things out.

 It may be easy to share the thoughts and the information that is inside of your head, but for some people, it is not so easy to share the depth of the feelings that reside in your heart.  It is not uncommon for a marriage to fall apart and one spouse does not even know why.  Give your spouse the chance to understand you and how things affect you before you reach the point of no return. 

Another step you might need to take to save your marriage is to get a marriage counselor.  Sometimes it is beneficial to the couple to have a third party listen to the issues that are not being resolved and give advice to try to make things better.  Don’t go to a marriage counselor thinking that they are going to take your side and finally understand what you are going through.  Go to a counselor as a way to gain tools to help you to resolve issues in a healthy manner.  There is nothing wrong in getting marriage counseling even if you are not on the brink of divorce.  Some couples go before there are major issues to deal with as a way to improve communication with each other and find tools that will strengthen the marriage for many years to come. 

If you feel that you and your spouse are making a huge mistake in fighting and letting your differences and issues get in the way of your life together, then it is not too late to try these simple steps to improve your relationship right now.  The harder thing would be to actually go through with a divorce.  You made a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together on your wedding day and you should not take that lightly.  Make another commitment now: to listen to your spouse, understand their feelings, and try to change the things that you are doing wrong in order to breath life back into your marriage.