REDUCE ARGUMENTS AND PROBLEMS

Save Your Marriage - Reduce Arguments and Problems

By: Gareth Shi Yang New

WHY DO PEOPLE MARRY?

To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. Remember the day on which you said this? Relive it. Mean it. One cannot hope to love unless he/she loves.

Basic questions are important to be settled at the start like inquiring about your spouse's goals in life, ambitions, aspirations, number of children expected, and ways to keep passion and physical affection continue in marriage. A lack of this is the greatest blow that can ever hit you at one time in your life.

HOW DO YOU TELL OF AN IMPENDING MARITAL DISASTER?

This may only be an old wife's remedy but here is simple test to know if your spouse loves you: When was the last time you went on a date with your spouse? When was the last time you shared a quiet moment with him/her? When was the last time you bought flowers/gifts for each other? When was the list time both of you talked (not argue) for more than an hour?

If the answers to these questions is 'more than 6 months', or 'I don't remember', the alarms should be going off.

AT THE BRINK OF ARGUMENT?

Play it cool by keeping your temper. If you shower him/her with insults, negative remarks or physical assault, you will declare war against your spouse. The situation is a reality to be accepted. The angry reaction almost always backfires. Try using a different approach, the by ways are plentiful.

EMOTIONS FELT WHEN THERE IS MARITAL CRISIS? 

First is the feeling of devastation, as if there is a great loss. You should NOT try to improve your communications skills to keep your marriage. Use your heart instead. Appeal to his/her feelings, be it love or guilt. When marriage is at the brink of disaster, learning more communications skills will only offer you and your spouse the use of better words to fight more often. Using simple approaches with sincerity works best from the experience of many couples who have successfully repaired their damaged relationship.

HOW TO HANDLE INFIDELITY?

Then, assess how deeply the extent of the relationship is. Tell him/her to give you space and enough time to think things out. Arrange a civilized meeting with your spouse after your rage has subsided. There should be counsellors available in your community to help you out.

START WITH THE RIGHT MINDSET, AND THE END IN MIND

Going to resolve any friction or disagreements between you and your spouse with a disgruntled attitude will only aggravate things. Focus on the pleasant things and good times. From the bible: "Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor!" Do not confront your spouse with a superior attitude.

HELPFUL GUIDELINES

Sometimes relationships are lost because the individual fears to face the truth. There is history of unhappiness behind words and you cannot change history since a history of dissatisfaction has built up. Learn to let go of the past.  Learn to listen more not only with your ears but also with your heart. Never break a promise. Recall the memories of your courtship; relive the thrill and excitement you shared on your dates, the places you have visited and your honeymoon. Love is letting go of fear.

HOW CAN YOU PRESERVE AND NURTURE YOUR MARRIAGE?

Strive to eat at least one meal a day together. By going on a date, there is no alternative than to dress up to show your spouse how attractive you still are. Schedule a date night. You should improve your communications skills to keep your marriage. Show a smile, and keep it on (Unless you just got into trouble). Its easy to pick a fight with a sour-faced person, but how angry can we get at a smiling, easy-going spouse? Plus, smiling also improves your own mood and will help you overlook tiny flaws that may usually irk you.

CAN MY MARRIAGE BE SAVED?

Follow a simple system in building positive marriage skills. There are plenty of literature online and in print to help you through a rough patch. You will be a better person, a better parent and a better spouse. The answer is positive. You will re-discover the joy and sanctity of marriage, and the amazing person you said 'I do' to some time ago.

Save Your Marriage & Avoid Divorce. If There is Hope, There is a Way. Click here for details.

Be like the grass in the wind. The storm can uproot trees, but only brush harmlessly past the emerald blades which are at peace with the world.

Article Source: EzineArticles.com -  Save Your Marriage - Reduce Arguments and Problems

HOW TO AVOID DIVORCE

How to Avoid Divorce and Save Your Marriage

Few things can stop the emotional effects that a divorce has on a couple, especially when children are involved.  There once was a time when you thought that there was no one greater then the person you were about to marry.  You made a commitment to each other to stay together for the rest of your life.  It is a fact of life that couples go through hard times in their marriage.  But before you make a decision to get a divorce, you owe it to each other to try to save your marriage first.

Many couples who end up getting a divorce have tendencies to look into their past.  They have dwelt upon the mistakes their partner has previously made, which has led them to a place of resentment and an unwillingness to forgive.  In order to avoid a divorce a couple must focus on the present and embrace a commitment to move forward.  Truly forgiving someone means forgetting about what it is that they have done to hurt you.  Forgiving someone does not mean that you do not “win” or that your feelings did not matter or that you are the weaker person by letting this go.  Forgiving someone means that you are stronger for being able to stand the hurt that they have caused you and that you can allow the natural love that resides in everyone’s heart to guide your decisions.  Rather then putting all the blame on your spouse, focus on making things right.

In order to avoid divorce and save your marriage you should also be realistic about your expectations about your relationship.  When two people first get married, each one comes into the marriage expecting it to be a certain way.  Many times these expectations are quite different and can cause conflict later on in the relationship.

Ladies, if you are engaged to someone who loves to watch football on a Sunday afternoon but you think that your Sunday afternoon should be filled with shopping, do not expect that once you get married your spouse will suddenly put their foam fingers aside to spend an entire Sunday shopping with you.  While it would be a nice gesture for them to voluntarily go shopping with you instead of watching the big game, do not expect that on a weekly basis. 

As much as we would like to, we can’t change our spouses.  If they were a neat freak before you got married, they are going to be a neat freak throughout your lives together.  Learn how to keep realistic expectations of how you would like the marriage to be in order to prevent yourselves from disappointing each other.

Married couples who are able to learn forgiveness and let go of unrealistic expectations can help improve their relationship.  It is never too late to patch things up and restore the relationship that you both have devoted your lives to.  Before final decisions are made to go through with a divorce, make a commitment to try to save your marriage -- and make it a happy one.

ROMANCE CAN SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

Put Romance Back into Your Relationship to Save Your Marriage

Do you feel as though your marriage is going downhill and headed for a divorce?  Do you wish there was something that you could do in order to save your marriage?  Many couples go through hard times in their marriage even though they might still be in love.  Before you get to a place that is too hard to get out of, start fixing your relationship now and put romance back into your marriage.

Through the years, things do change between a couple.  Most often romance is the first thing to go.  Things like finances or the needs of the kids can get in the way and out- weigh the needs of the parents.  But the need for love and affection does not lessen.  By ignoring these needs, the bond between the couple becomes stretched and may break.  Plus, if one person is committed to keeping the romance alive while the other puts it on the back burner, resentment can build; and resentment will, without a doubt, crush a marriage. So what are some ways that you can put a little romance back into your marriage before it is too late? 

When children are involved in a couple’s relationship, it can be hard to find time just for yourselves.  In order to keep the romance in a marriage alive, make sure to hire a babysitter or allow the kids to spend some quality time with grandma and grandpa at least once a month or even once every two months.  Sometimes just the chance to have a dinner out alone is a wonderful relationship refresher.  It is also possible to show affection to your partner on an everyday basis without being intimate or even being home. 

Write your partner a love message where they will find it during the day.  Something as simple as writing “I love you!” on a piece of paper hidden in their wallet, or drawer will boost the romance between you two and make your partner feel loved.  You can also take a walk together.  Put your responsibilities like the dishes, the lawn, and bills aside and show your partner that the most important thing at that time is to spend time with them.  A walk is a great way to leave distractions behind and focus your attention on your partner. 

Remember to take your partner’s needs into consideration.  Maybe romance is not on your to-do list at the moment.  But, it might be at the top of your partner’s list.  Be open to the suggestions of your partner.  A relationship will quickly fall into the gutter when someone cannot make time for their spouse.  We all lead busy lives, but it makes a big difference when you put your schedule aside for your spouse even if it is just to hold onto a lingering kiss. 

Plus, remember to be open and honest with your spouse about your expectations for affection, sex, and romance in your marriage.  Now is the time to start even if the course of your life is not where you expect it to be.   Telling yourself that "someday" you will have the time to be romantic will only hurt your marriage.  Sooner or later you will find out that “someday” never comes and you have wasted the time that you once had

STEPS TO SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE

A lot of couples today are faced with a failing marriage.  They are flooded with plenty of problems that could cause them to go their separate ways.  Unfortunately, there are far too many people getting divorced everyday and it is becoming increasingly normal and accepted.  But many couples feel that although they are on the brink, divorce might be a last resort in their marriage and they are looking for ways to save their marriage.   

The first step you should take to avoid a divorce is to speak openly and honestly about the reasons why you feel like your marriage might be headed in that direction.  Tell your partner how you feel about your marriage, your life together as a married couple, and your possible future together.  Address the issues that you feel are ruining your marriage.

Communication is a huge step to take in order to save your marriage.  By being open with one another you are able to air out the problems and understand what is wrong in the marriage.  You are also giving your partner a chance to listen and really understand your point of view.  If you are sincere in communicating with your spouse, you are showing them that you are willing to try to work things out.

 It may be easy to share the thoughts and the information that is inside of your head, but for some people, it is not so easy to share the depth of the feelings that reside in your heart.  It is not uncommon for a marriage to fall apart and one spouse does not even know why.  Give your spouse the chance to understand you and how things affect you before you reach the point of no return. 

Another step you might need to take to save your marriage is to get a marriage counselor.  Sometimes it is beneficial to the couple to have a third party listen to the issues that are not being resolved and give advice to try to make things better.  Don’t go to a marriage counselor thinking that they are going to take your side and finally understand what you are going through.  Go to a counselor as a way to gain tools to help you to resolve issues in a healthy manner.  There is nothing wrong in getting marriage counseling even if you are not on the brink of divorce.  Some couples go before there are major issues to deal with as a way to improve communication with each other and find tools that will strengthen the marriage for many years to come. 

If you feel that you and your spouse are making a huge mistake in fighting and letting your differences and issues get in the way of your life together, then it is not too late to try these simple steps to improve your relationship right now.  The harder thing would be to actually go through with a divorce.  You made a commitment to spend the rest of your lives together on your wedding day and you should not take that lightly.  Make another commitment now: to listen to your spouse, understand their feelings, and try to change the things that you are doing wrong in order to breath life back into your marriage.